New Year’s Resolutions!
Welcome –
or welcome back! – to this entry of the Nine Principles of
Spiritual Recovery. Several weeks have passed since the last
installment of this project was published as I have been working through some
changes of my own, both personally and professionally. As I have written in previous entries, I am a
substance abuse counselor. As part of
that work, I recently taught a group of recovering people about “resolutions”
as a sort of “New Years” seasonal follow-up to earlier work on “problem
resolution.”
“Resolution” is listed as “Principle 4” of the 9P’s.
Its definition is to make a determination upon a course of action. The principle statement associated
with it is:
“I AM responsible for living my life in a positive way
to create and maintain good health and happiness.”
As I have
written previously, the Nine Principles
of Spiritual Recovery are not a series of steps to be worked, but rather a
collection of principles for realizing spiritual recovery to be used as one
sees fit at any given time. I offer this
new material recognizing that I went from writing about Principle #1 (Reconnection) to Principle #4 without
addressing Principles #2 (Reformation)
and #3 (Reauthorization). For those of you who have a more linear
approach to the 9P’s, well, fear
not! Trust me - it’ll be OK… In reality,
the principle of Resolution relates
to both Reformation and Reauthorization as all of the 9P’s are connected…
For those
of us who are more linear in our thinking, the calendar tells us that one year
is coming to an end and another is beginning.
But without the clock or the calendar to remind us, we would probably
attach little importance to the passing of time or to the change in the number
of the year. But we do attach importance
to the passing of days into weeks, weeks into months, and months into
years. As we get older, it seems we
attach more and more importance to the passing of time – probably because we
are conscious of the finite amount we have as humans.
What is
“time”? Who really knows? Great scientists and philosophers have
attempted to define “time.” Most of us
can’t even begin to understand these definitions. What we can grasp are the concepts of past, present, and future,
which some might say are all the same, with past, present, and future having no
particular meaning or differences.
We
usually categorize our experiences as being part of our past or present. The things we have seen or done occurred at
some point in time prior to the present moment or are occurring at the
moment. Since the future is not yet
experienced, we really only have the past and the present to work with. Since the past has already happened and we
can describe the events that have happened, we tend to see the past as
something fixed that cannot be changed.
For most of us, the present is all that can be changed, and by
definition, it must be changed as we go along, mindfully, in the moment.
At this time of the year, our thoughts are sometimes drawn
to thinking about changes we would like to make in and for the future. We may think of goals we want to
achieve. So we often make “New Year’s resolutions.” If we make resolutions, we most likely believe we
have problems that need solving.
“Resolution” is both a noun and a verb – a thing and an action – and
generally defined as the “solution to a problem; the solving of a
problem.” If we break down the word
“resolution” we might see it as “re-solution.”
“Re” denotes the repetition of some act – a doing again. Therefore, “re-solution” can be seen as
“solving again.” In most situations,
this “re-solution” would be a new answer
to an old problem. Making a
“resolution” involves at least two actions: First, setting out the desired
solution to a problem, and second, developing a course of action to achieve
that solution.
An old edition of U.S. News & World Report had a
cover story about “50 Ways To Improve Your Life In 2005.” It might just as well have been titled “50
Solutions to Your Life’s Problems”.
Some of their suggestions, or resolutions,
were to quit smoking (#28), eat better (#29), and get more exercise (#26). Spiritually-minded people may have taken the
advice to meditate more regularly
(#2), or practice forgiveness (#50). A common resolution is to lose weight, which would be the logical
result of #29 and #26 (eating better and getting more exercise). This time of
year, especially, the multi-billion dollar dieting industry in the United States
inundates the airwaves with advertising for weight-loss plans. All of these resolutions are positive changes
because each logically leads to healing the mind, body, and soul.
If we have attempted solutions in the past, but continue
to have the same issue or problem, then we may attempt “re-solutions” to
“re-solve” those problems of our past. Why do we so often fail to see real progress,
to see any improvement in our lives?
Could it be that we are mistaken about our past experiences? Or could it be that fear of experiencing pain and hurt, as we have in the past, keeps
us from moving forward into the future?
We hear that “time heals all wounds.” The passing of time does nothing on its own
to help us heal. Re-examining our
perceptions of the past, with new perspectives being formulated, can help us
understand our experiences and problems, heal us, and help us move forward to
lead more positive, productive, healthier, and invariably happier lives.
Can we
change our pasts? If we can, how do we
go about making that change?
How do we
conduct this re-examination?
The “scientific method,” creatively employed,
may offer some guidance and assistance.
The first
step is to identify the experience (or problem) that we want to re-examine. What happened in our lives that we think we
might need to take a fresh look at?
Then we
have to formulate a hypothesis to test. What is it that
we believe now to be true about that
experience then?
Then we
must conduct an experiment. This requires us to re-examine
the past experience in detail. We need
to identify any people involved, and other factors or influences, and clarify
the issue or problem involved. We have
to re-create the experience as best we can.
Then we gather
information. We describe the interactions between the
people, factors, and influences, and then describe the outcome of the experience,
or resolution of the problem. What did
each person involved in the situation actually do or say? What can we say actually happened at the
time? Is it possible to gather
information from the people involved at the time? Have their thoughts and feelings changed over
time?
Next, we
have to analyze the information. What does the information
suggest? What may be different,
factually, from what we originally believed to be true?
Then we
can draw new conclusions. Has our view of the past
experience changed in any way? How? What is it that we now believe? Do we have a new perspective or
perception? How might a new
interpretation of the past change life now?
While we
conduct our re-examination, we must be mindful of certain things. We have to be sure our memory of an
experience is honest and fair to everyone involved, including ourselves. Delusional
thinking or employment of ego defense
mechanisms such as justification,
denial of truth, rationalization, projection,
transference, or minimization will produce inaccurate analyses, and a faulty basis
for making a new resolution for the problem.
We must be sure that the things we believe occurred did occur. We cannot fabricate events that did not
happen and convince ourselves they did.
We cannot have selective memory and omit our own contributions to
experiences we have had. To quote Daniel
Patrick Moynihan, “Everyone is entitled to his own
opinion, but not his own facts.”
We
must be able, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, to face the experiences of our lives. We have to set aside or rise above emotional
responses to people and events from our pasts.
We have to be able, as best we can, to perceive the reality of
experiences without our personal biases clouding that perception. We have to become what some call an
“observer” of the events of our lives.
We must be open to the possibility that our perceptions and perspectives
are, or have been, flawed, and can be changed.
To
produce new resolutions – to find new answers to old problems – we must develop
an intentional (thoughtful) plan for achieving our goals through personal
change. The process can be
straight-forward. From the information
and conclusions drawn from the prior analysis, we can prepare a synthesis – a plan – for realizing resolutions.
First, identify
the old problem
to be resolved.
Second,
develop the desired resolution to the problem. What is
the change that you want to see happen?
Third, create
objectives
that must be accomplished to make the resolution possible. Make sure these objectives are action
statements that are specific, measurable, and have a timeframe for accomplishment. Ex: “I will not eat any sugary desserts for two
weeks.”
Fourth, determine
what resources,
if any, will be needed to realize the desired resolution. Are these resources human, material, technological, skills and knowledge?
Something else?
Fifth,
set a timeframe
or date for determining your level of resolution of the problem. If the problem is not resolved, review your
plan and adjust to address any changes needed.
Does this
sound easy? Probably not. Does it sound possible? Absolutely!
But it will not happen unless we have the courage to reexamine our
pasts, the objectivity to look at our pasts with new eyes, and the good sense
to form new perceptions based on the analysis we conduct.
One thing
is certain: We can hasten the healing
process by honestly and courageously looking at our pasts and entertaining all
the possibilities that re-examining the past can present to us. By planning for resolution of problems, we
may be able to solve some of our past problems, and move on to healthier, more
positive and productive lives, and ultimately, happiness.
“I AM responsible for living my life in a positive way
to create and maintain good health and happiness.”
Here is a New Year’s “re-solution”:
Face the past.
Heal the present.
Free the future.
May you have a very Happy New Year!
Ken
